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ATS Power Rankings - Week 6
Another crazy week, another insane amount of reshuffling in the rankings. The biggest jump comes via the Philadelphia Eagles, who might be for real, or might be taking advantage of a crazy soft schedule. Who knows? This season continues to confound and dumfound us all.

A few notes before we continue:

-- ATS records matter because this is an article about gamblers on a site about gambling read by an audience that gambles on sports

-- Straight up (SU) records also matter because this is still real life and we have to know who to bet on for the moneyline

-- Tired of the same old rankings which say stuff like, “After a tough win this week, the team plays so-and-so next week” we try to stretch our legs in this one, which means tickling the funny bone or being outright sarcastic for most of it. Also, sometimes there’s lots of TYPE YELLING.

-- The “next game” listed includes opening lines at BetOnline.ag. If no line is listed, the oddsmakers haven’t set one at the time of writing. Also, the team listed second is the home team.

-- Rankings don’t really matter, guys. This is just for fun.

-- Did we mention BetOnline.ag is the best place to bet on sports? Because it is. We’re awesome.

1. Kansas City Chiefs (5-0 SU and ATS)
If Kansas City hasn’t convinced you that they’re the best team in the league yet, then nothing will. And if Alex Smith hasn’t convinced them that he’s worth keeping then I don’t know what will.

Next Game: Pittsburgh vs. Kansas City -4.5

2. Green Bay Packers (4-1 SU and 3-2 ATS)
3. New England Patriots (3-2 SU and 2-3 ATS)
Here’s the thing about both of these teams. Terrible defenses. At best they have mediocre running games. Jordy Nelson is the only capable receiver the Packers have, while we all saw what happened to the Patriots when Gronk went out. The difference between them and 28 other teams in the NFL is that you can absolutely believe in Tom Brady and/or Aaron Rodgers. Whether the ancillary details the teams deters you from betting on them is up to you, but it’s getting pretty hairy both ways.

Next Game: Green Bay vs. Minnesota
Next Game: New England -9.5 at NYJ

4. Carolina Panthers (4-1 SU and 3-2 ATS)
A month ago, we were talking about how the Panthers looked like the team we hated in 2016 and not the team we loved in 2015. Now they’ve won 4 games and held off a Stafford comeback in Detroit. What else am I supposed to do here?

Next Game: Philadelphia vs.Carolina -3.5

5. Denver Broncos (3-1 SU and ATS)
The Broncos have all the makings of a high powered offense, and yet they seem very tentative to pull the trigger. That might be the way of new head coach Vance Joseph, who is going to rely on his defense. You could tell in the Oakland game that should’ve been a blowout. You can also tell that the oddsmakers think this. Look at the line they’ve set for a the Broncos against a Giants team that has no receivers. It should be at least -14.5, but the books have also been receiving damage on monster spreads this year.

Next Game: NYG at Denver -12.0

6. Detroit Lions (3-2 SU and ATS)
Adorably, the Lions elect not to run most of the time. But they don’t even disguise anything. Only 15 of their 50 plays were hand-offs. Stafford is a very good quarterback, but even Brady and Rodgers need to pretend like they’re going to give their tailback a carry every now and then. This is for everyone wondering why Stafford’s numbers are so average thus far.

Next Game: Detroit vs. New Orleans -3.5

7. Buffalo Bills (3-2 SU and 4-1 ATS)
One thing I’m having trouble imagining the Bills maintaining is this ridiculous points against average they’ve yielded thus far. Their the best at preventing scoring with 14.8 points per game, but will come out of their bye week to play Tampa (who might get their act together by then), Oakland (who might have Carr by then), the Jets (who…I dunno…are division rivals?), New Orleans, the Chargers, Chiefs and New England. I’m just saying that the playoffs aren’t in their future. Not that we thought the Bills were going to make the playoffs. But this doesn’t feel like the year where “defense wins championships”.

Next Game: BYE

8. Atlanta Falcons (3-1 SU and 2-2 ATS)
I’m not trying to be impossibly hard on Dan Quinn since he took his team to the Super Bowl last year, but he’s also the guy credited as the architect for the Legion of Boom. You know, the most feared and turnover happy defense in the league a couple years ago? The Falcons have generated two turnovers thus far. Two! Maybe we credit whomever drafted in Seattle for the Legion of Boom instead of Dan Quinn.

Next Game: Miami vs. Atlanta -11.5

9. Philadelphia Eagles (4-1 SU and 3-2 ATS)
The Eagles are putting together one of the more impressive seasons that nobody else seems to care about. They’re top-10 in everything on offense and have a killer rush defense that gets to the quarterback all the time. Plus, the only team they’ve barely lost to is currently the best in the NFL. A win over Carolina and I’m convinced…that Carson Wentz is piloting one of the best offenses in the league…that Doug Pederson is a Coach of the Year candidate…that…good god, what is up with this season!

Next Game: Philadelphia vs. Carolina -3.5

10. Houston Texans (2-3 SU and 3-2 ATS)
What in the hell was DeShaun Watson doing on the final play of the game? I’m not talking about the incredible touchdown throw to Deep V (aka Will Fuller V). That useless two-point conversion was insanely idiotic. Was he padding his Heisman stats or something? Does he realize that point differential doesn’t matter? It didn’t even cover the freaking spread!

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Next Game; Cleveland vs. Houston -10.0

11. Washington Redskins (2-2 SU and ATS)
Hopefully the team spent the bye week convincing Chris Thompson to get a real mouth guard instead of that stupid “angry teeth” one he uses as if he’s still in Pop Warner.

Next Game: San Francisco vs. Washington -10.0

12. Dallas Cowboys (2-3 SU and ATS)
I love Zeke Elliott. He’s great. But I also get pretty sick of him celebrating a big run when all he did was run through a gigantic hole his offensive line opened up for him only to be tackled by the guy at the next level. “Yeah! I ran through that open space real fast!”

Next Game: BYE

13. Seattle Seahawks (3-2 SU and 2-3 ATS)
Seattle’s defense generated five total turnovers, and almost had a sixth, which is great. They’ve finally remembered that they’re a top-5 unit in an NFL that is devoid of great defenses.

Next Game: BYE

14. Los Angeles Rams (3-2 SU and 2-3 ATS)
Despite the loss and the ATS record, the Rams showed that they could hang tough with Seattle and overcome their own blunders. I’m telling you that this Rams team is for real, even if the Tavon Austin gadget-playbook is still being used for some reason.

Next Game: LAR at Jacksonville -2.5

15. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-2 SU and ATS)
One of the traditional stats that gives gamblers an inside edge on good teams to bet on is give/take, which is the difference between turnovers for and turnovers against. Believe it or not, but Jacksonville has 15 takeaways and just 5 turnovers giving them a +10 give/take. I’ll give you a minute so you can take that in. See what I did there?

Next Game: LAR at Jacksonville -2.5

16. Cincinnati Bengals (2-3 SU and 3-2 ATS)
If you completely ignore their first two stinkers, the Bengals have gone toe-to-toe with Green Bay in Lambeau, demolished the Browns and outlasted the Bills in a war of attrition. So why Bengals team do you trust? The line the oddsmakers set for the Bengals-Steelers will say everything we need to know about how they see the AFC North.

17. Minnesota Vikings (3-2 SU and 2-3 ATS)
“Yay! Sam Bradford is back!”
“Oh no…”
“Put in Case Keenum!”
“Yay! Case Keenum is back!”
“Oh no…”

It’s a vicious cycle.

Next Game: Green Bay vs. Minnesota

18. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2 SU and 2-3 ATS)
The Steelers have become a gambler’s worst nightmare – a public team with a potentially explosive offense that randomly puts up big games and randomly lays eggs against a patty cake schedule. There’s no universe where they’re just +4.5 point dogs on the road against Kansas.

Next Game: Pittsburgh vs. Kansas City -4.5

19. New Orleans Saints (2-2 SU and ATS)
Maybe the Saints worked really hard over the bye week to ensure Adrian Peterson gets more involved in the offense so…ya know…he doesn’t have a pathetic end to an otherwise Hall of Fame career.

Next Game: Detroit vs. New Orleans -3.5

20. Baltimore Ravens (3-2 SU and ATS)
The Ravens shouldn’t get bonus points for stifling E.J. Manuel, just like they won’t get bonus points for doing the same to an overwhelmed Mitch Trubisky.

Next Game: Chicago vs. Baltimore -7.0

21. Oakland Raiders (2-3 SU and ATS)
Uhhhh…maybe don’t rush your $125 million quarterback back when he has fractured bones in his spine?! Guys! Don’t do it!

Next Game: LAC vs. Oakland

22. Los Angeles Chargers (1-4 SU and 1-3-1 ATS)
Watching Philip Rivers throw temper tantrums at all times, and sometimes for no apparent reason, is really fun. Please don’t retire, Phil. We all love you.

Next Game: LAC vs. Oakland

23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-2 SU and 1-3 ATS)
On Thursday night, somehow CBS had a better kicker and a better quarterback than Tampa Bay.

Next Game: Tampa Bay -2.5 vs. Arizona

24. Miami Dolphins (2-2 SU and ATS)
It’s usually a generally safe practice to not film yourself using illegal substances, but when you’re high on drugs you’re probably not thinking about what the smartest thing to do is.

Next Game: Miami vs. Atlanta -11.5

25. Chicago Bears (1-4 SU and 3-2 ATS)
I couldn’t tell if Trubisky had that “lost lamb” look in his eyes on Monday Night or the look of someone who’d been nervously vomiting all day long. It probably says a lot that the offense was more explosive when a punter was lofting passes to Benny Cunningham.

Next Game: Chicago vs. Baltimore -7.0

26. New York Jets (3-2 SU and ATS)
It says a lot about how cooky this season is that the Jets – who were projected by consensus to be the worst team in preseason – have won three games. It also means their plans to tank for the top overall pick have completely backfired. The Jets can’t even lose properly. It’s great. Damnit, Josh McCown! You had ONE job!

Next Game: New England -9.5 at NYJ

27. Indianapolis Colts (3-2 SU and ATS)
Pence is probably kicking himself for leaving that Colts-Niners game! It went in to overtime, just so we could all enjoy it for ten extra minutes!

Next Game: Indianapolis at Tennessee

28. San Francisco 49ers (0-5 SU and 3-2 ATS)
I don’t think that the 49ers are actually tanking for the top pick on purpose, but do you really think that Sam Darnold is worth it? Maybe he can join the long list of USC quarterbacks who went on to win all those Super Bowls. I was being sarcastic in case you can’t tell.

Next Game: San Francisco vs. Washington -10.0

29. Tennessee Titans (2-3 SU and ATS)
The Titans probably should start worry less about how to give snaps to Derrick Henry or DeMarco Murray, and much more about why in the hell they thought a good backup plan was to give any snaps to Matt Cassel.

Next Game: Indianapolis at Tennessee

30. New York Giants (0-5 SU and 2-3 ATS)
Let’s pour one out for Odell Beckham, who now enters perhaps the most fascinating contract extension negotiations ever.

Next Game: NYG at Denver -12.0

31. Arizona Cardinals (2-3 SU and 0-5 ATS)
Fun fact for the Cardinals! They’ve currently gone L-W-L-W-L over the course of the season while also never ever covering the spread. Either that weird flip flopping trend gets broken this weekend, or they remain the most un-bettable team in the league.

Next Game: Tampa Bay -2.5 vs. Arizona

32. Cleveland Browns (0-5 SU and 1-4 ATS)
At some point the Browns need to cute bait with DeShone Kizer as a starter. It’s fine. He can bounce back from it unless he’s a big, fat cry baby. Which might be the case. Either way, it’s probably worthy that Kevin Hogan threw for 194 yards, 2 touchdowns and a pick. It’s the exact same state line – the exact same – as Josh McCown, except Hogan needed 11 less attempts. That’s right, ladies and gentleman. The hottest quarterback controversy in the league is DeShone Kizer and Kevin Hogan! WHAT THE HELL 2017 NFL SEASON! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US?!

Next Game; Cleveland vs. Houston -10.0

Get feisty with all the Week 6 NFL betting lines at BetOnline.ag!

  
HEADLINES
Sportsbetting.ag: Thursday's Best Bet
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Bookmaker: NFL Playoff Odds
BetOnline.ag: ATS Power Rankings - Week 15
DiNitto: Opening Line Report - Week 15
Roberts: Books win small in Week 14
BetOnline.ag: Buyer's Remorse - Week 14
Bookmaker: Week 15 Opening Odds
News: SuperContest Picks - Week 14
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